Mail Scam

When I send a letter or postcard to you/someone abroad, you may also get another separate letter from another Ghanaian. This has happened to other volunteers that I know, but I don't think it has happened to anyone that I know yet. What Ghanaians seem to be doing is copying the addresses that the letters are addressed to and writing their own letter asking for help and/or money. It is highly unlikely that it will happen with the letters I send because I mail them from a major post office here in Ghana, but it is a possibility.

Some volunteers live in the "bush" so they can't get to a post office that regularly. So when they want to send letters they give it to random people on taxis or trotros (sort of like buses) going to town to mail for them. During that time these people may copy the addresses or it may be the postal workers in the rural areas. They sometimes even go as far to open the letter and read it to mention some things they know about the volunteer that sent the letter to make it more believable when they send their own letter asking for help.

Examples of some of the letters that have been sent are:

• Request by Secondary School student for money to pay for tuition as well as additional allowance to buy a cellphone for himself.
  
• A supposed pastor/reverend sent a letter asking for money to start a church along with a list of office supplies which asked for thousands of pens.
  

So if you get any of these letters because of me I apologize and I hope you are smart enough to know that I would not ask Ghanaians to send you letters like this. So please do not send anything or even reply, even though they may mention my name or know things about me. I will personally email you and/or call you if I EVER ask for anything like this, which is highly unlikely.

A Typical Conversation With A Ghanaian

Speaking with Ghanaians or trying to hold a decent conversation with one is pretty difficult even though a lot of them speak English. The English that Ghanaians speak is something that you or I are not totally accustomed to. Another issue is that Ghanaians aren’t use to the way foreigners speak English as well. But besides the language barrier the most frustrating thing for me when speaking with Ghanaians is where conversations end up a lot of time (NOT all the time, but a lot). I decided to give an example of a conversation I had yesterday with a Ghanaian that I met for the first time.

Ghanaian (G): Hello
Me (JP): Hello
G: How are you?
JP: I’m fine, and you?
G: I’m also fine. Where are you from?
JP: I’m from America.
G: Really? You look like a Chinese or a Japanese.
JP: No, I’m really American. I was born in Korea, but I live in America now and I am a US citizen.
G: So you are a Korean.
JP: Yes, I am still a Korean, but I am also American so I guess I am a Korean-American.
G: No, you don’t look like an American. You are a Korean.
JP: OK…
G: Can I have your address?
JP: Why do you want my address?
G: I want to be your friend.
JP: I just met you. Maybe next time if I see you again I will give you my address and we can be friends.
G: No, I NEED your address.
JP: Why do you ‘NEED’ my address?
G: A friend in need is a friend indeed.
JP: (BLANK STARE) (Thinking to myself what the fuck)
G: So can I have your address?
JP: No, sorry maybe next time.
G: I will not see you again.
JP: Then why do you want my address?
G: I want to be your friend.
JP: If you are not going to see me again, how can you be my friend?
G: Can I have your phone number?
JP: God willing next time I see you I will give you my phone number.
G: You don’t like me?
JP: I just met you. I don’t like or dislike you.
G: Can I have your phone number?
JP: Maybe next time.
G: Here is my phone number. I want to be your friend. Make sure to call me.
JP: God willing I will call you.
G: Goodbye.
JP: Bye.

The Amazing Flush Toilet

Writing this entry will further solidify the fact that I am an asshole, but I couldn’t resist writing about this because of the sheer amusement factor. Continue reading if you wish, but please know that I already know I am an asshole.

As I mentioned before I have a crew of about 4~5 ‘small’ boys that fetch water for me about twice a week. Yesterday, three of them were hanging out around my house while I was cooking dinner for myself (I made chicken teriyaki). One of the boys ‘V’ asked if he could use my toilet. I knew that this meant that he needed to take a shit because when they need to piss they just go somewhere out in the bush. I unlocked the door to my toilet room and let him go about his business. Keep in mind that I have a flushing toilet, but no running water so I have to pour water into the top of the toilet so I can flush whenever I need to.

After about 5 minutes I heard some noise coming from the bathroom so I went to check to see if everything was alright. As I walked by I saw that the door was wide open and all three of the ‘smalls’ were in there. ‘O’ and ‘I’ were standing beside the toilet while ‘V’ was taking a shit with his pants totally off (Typically when I take a shit my pants are lowered at knee or ankle length depending on how clean the floor is around the toilet I am using). I found this to be an amusing sight to begin with, but it was about to get a lot more entertaining.

After ‘V’ finished with his business he told me he was done and I asked if he flushed the toilet. He told me that he tried, but it wasn’t going down. I went into the bathroom and realized there was no water in the top of the toilet so I took some of the rainwater I collected the night before and used it to flush the toilet. This must have been the most amazing thing to the three ‘smalls’ because ‘O’ wanted to take a shit now too. I told him to go ahead and went back into the kitchen to make my dinner.

I heard the toilet flush again so I assumed that ‘O’ was done. I went by the toilet room to make sure everything was alright, but when I went there this time I saw ‘I’ sitting on the toilet trying to take a shit with ‘V’ and ‘O’ standing beside the toilet with their pants off. I assumed ‘O’ had his pants off because he just finished, but I asked ‘V’ why his pants were off again. He told me that he wanted to take another shit. I didn’t know how to react to this. I just stood there contemplating whether or not to take a picture of this scene, and I was going to accompany it with this entry, but I didn’t want ‘V,’ ‘O,” and ‘I’ to see half naked pictures of themselves on the internet once they learned how to use the computer. So I just went back into the kitchen and tried to finish up making my dinner even though I wasn’t hungry anymore after this ordeal.

When I heard all three of them outside I went back into the toilet room, poured more rain water into the top of toilet to flush it one final time. I was glad that I put a couple of buckets out to catch the rain when it rained the night before. I would have felt bad using potable (clean) water to flush the toilet five times in a 30 minute span. They all went home a couple of minutes later. After dinner I bleached the toilet and used a Purell Sanitizing Wipe that the previous volunteer left behind to clean the toilet seat. The ‘smalls’ took some diesel dumps and left a bevy of skid marks and other mysterious stains in and around the toilet.

After this incident I know that these ‘smalls’ and the other ones are going to ask to use my toilet on a regular basis. Unless it’s an emergency I am going to tell them to go in the bush and I will be happy to supply the toilet paper. I know I am an asshole for saying this and for writing about this, but I think I have to do this for my mental and hygienic sanity. Considering the fact that I am just getting over Giardia, I think I will have to restrict the use of my toilet by the ‘smalls’ for the time being. For those of you that don’t know what Giardia is, the wiki link for it is below.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giardia_lamblia